The art of war: Claude vs Owls
by Reality is Darkness
Summary: Claude became enraged when he saw an owl eating one of his spiders! Claude then begins planning the owl's demise! Will he successfully get rid of the owl...? Or will he fail miserably in the end?
1. Chapter 1: A New Owl in the Neighborhoot

**The Art of War: Claude Vs. Owls**

**Finally, my second story! I can say that this one is longer, with more humor about Claude this time. To Claude lovers: Don't worry, your beloved Claude will not die in this story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji, Toboso Yana does.**

**Chapter 1: A New Owl in the Neighborhoot**

Claude was relaxing under a shady tree during a hot summer day in the garden outside Trancy mansion while watching over and being in charge of the other Trancy servants doing their daily chores. The weather was quite extreme, so to say. The other servants felt slightly jealous at Claude because he was favored by their master, Alois Trancy, and he gets to take a rest under a shady tree, while the others must resume with their usual chores under the glaring hot summer sun: Cutting grasses, trimming the trees and bushes to perfection, watering the plants, and lastly, take care of the spiders growing around the garden as that was Claude's personal order and they were afraid Claude would yell at them if they were to disobey his order.

_Hoot, hoot!_

Suddenly, Claude heard a familiar sound. "...Now this sound seemed familiar, where have I heard it before...?" Claude thought to himself while the other servants continued on with their chores.

_Hoot, hoot!_

Claude jumped up and exclaimed, "That's it! I remember now! These were the sounds made from those dreaded birds, owls!" Right at this moment, a certain owl suddenly swarmed down on a spider and ate it right in front of Claude. Claude stood dumbfounded at the poor spider, being eaten and swallowed by that nasty owl.

"Drat! The world would be a better place if these creatures never existed!" Claude yelled at the owl who is flying away after swallowing it's tasty breakfast. "Take this for swallowing the spiders!" Claude then took out a few golden knives from his coat and threw them at the owl, but unfortunately, he misses his target. "Darn! I swore my throwing skills have greatly decreased ever since the last time I fought with Mr. Michaelis!" Claude then sat back down, still angry at the owl.

**Claude tries the classic skill, throwing an anvil at the owl. (This won't end well.)**

Claude bought a 100k ton anvil from an Lcme company. (Don't ask me what kind of company that is, I am not quite sure of it myself as well, but I read the wikipedia about it earlier, so I decided to change Acme into Lcme, since Acme stands for "American Company which Makes Anything", and Lcme is the London version of that company.) He then devised a plan on tricking the owl into his trap, while he throws the anvil at the owl while the owl is still being tricked by his plan. But how? How is it possible to trick an owl to stay at an area, long enough for you to actually throw a heavy anvil at it? "Quite easy, actually. I would do anything for revenge on behalf of my dead spider. You see, do you recall watching the classic cartoons when a person devices a clever plan to trick their target in that position to stay long enough for their plan to work? The person would cleverly choose the item to use as the target's bait, in this case, I would use a fake spider novelty toy!" Claude took out a novelty spider and places it at the ground under a cliff, while Claude quickly jumps up to the cliff, placed the anvil near the edge of the cliff, and waits patiently for the owl to fall for it. (Oh boy.)

Hours have passed, and Claude still hasn't spotted a single owl, Claude got impatient, then he jumped down to the ground and check whether his novelty spider is still there, or not. Fortunately, it's still there, Claude sighed in relief, but suddenly, an owl flew to the top of the cliff, curious of the anvil, it tried poking at it with it's beak. With just a light push, the anvil began falling down directly towards Claude, much to Claude's dismay when he looked up. "Ah, crap." Is the last word Claude spoke until the anvil crushed on him. "Bam!" Everything went black for Claude, for just a short while, anyway.

**That is all for today's chapter, but it's not over yet!**

**Claude still hasn't gotten his revenge on the owl who ate his spider friend, what will happen in Chapter 2?**

**What new tricks or schemes Claude had up in his sleeves?**

**Will Claude give up and leave the poor owls alone?**

**Will the poor Trancy servants ever get a break?**

**Stay tuned, to Chapter 2!**

**This is Kaede, signing off.**

**Reviews or ideas for chapter 2 are welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2: Owlch, that hurts!

**The Art of War: Claude Vs. Owls**

**The second chapter came out sooner as I expected, I am filled with ideas this week due to overwatching classic cartoons too much! Anyway, we will continue in the part after Claude got crushed by the anvil.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji, Toboso Ya-**

**-Ciel suddenly shows up, interrupting the disclaimer-**

**Ciel: Tch, do you have to put that up everytime you write a new story?**

**Kaede: ...Disclaimer, ignore Ciel, please continue.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuro-**

**-Ciel begins yelling-**

**Ciel: DO NOT IGNORE ME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?**

**Disclaimer: IdonotownKuroshitsuji,TobosoYanadoes.**

**-Ciel got angry and leaves-**

**Kaede: Anyway...Let's just continue on with the story, shall we?**

**Chapter 2: Owlch, that hurts!**

A few days has passed by since Claude has been crushed by the anvil. Apparently, Claude has been knocked unconcious by the anvil. Suddenly, a female figure approaches the anvil to rescue Claude.

"Do not worry, Claude. I have arrived to save you." Why, it's Hannah Anafeloz, the maid of the Trancy household. She swiftly lifted the anvil away from Claude's unconcious body and dragged Claude all the way back to the Trancy mansion.

Claude woke up afterwards. He looks around and realized he was being dragged by Hannah to his bedroom. Claude then got up and goes back outside to search for Hannah.

"Hannah, where are you? I have something to discuss with you!" He said in a rather annoyed tone.

"I am here, Claude." Hannah walks towards Claude with a scared look on her face.

"Why do you have to drag me all the way back to the mansion when I am so close in getting my revenge on those dreaded birds?" Said Claude in an angrier tone.

"I-I am sorry, Claude..." Apologized Hannah.

Claude ignored Hannah's apologies and walks out of the Trancy garden to plot another scheme to get revenge on the owls again.

**How did the owls got so smart?**

Claude spotted another owl flying past him towards the Big Ben tower. He proceeds in chasing it without losing sight of it. The owl then rested itself on top of the sharpest point of Big Ben. Claude tried climbing up, but he couldn't climb much in his current condition.

"I need something to help me climb up and get that dreaded bird... But what will be suitable for me to help me climb up this tower...?" Claude then stood there and thought to himself. Suddenly, Claude heard someone advertising about an item which might be able to help him do so.

"Gravity shoes! Gravity shoes for sale! Shoes made out of pure metal designed for travellers who are brave enough to try walking up Big Ben without worrying about falling down!" (Wish they would sold these in real life.) Claude turns around and saw a gravity shoes salesman advertising about his company's product, gravity shoes. Claude then buys a pair of gravity shoes from the gravity shoes salesman and wore them immedietely.

Claude tries walking towards the tower of Big Ben. And to his surprise, the gravity shoes actually worked. Claude made an evil smirk and then continued on walking towards the highest point of Big Ben. In his mind he is thinking about ways to torture the poor owl and murdering it after this. Unfortunately, the owl on top saw Claude approaching towards it and then it calls for help. Suddenly, a huge pack of owls came flying towards Claude, including the one resting on top of Big Ben.

"Calling for backup to help you now, huh? What a cowardly bird." Says Claude as he prepares his golden knives to defend himself.

The pack of owls swarmed towards at Claude, pecking him in the face, hard, trying to make him lose balance, but to no avail.

"Take this!" Claude threw a golden knife at the owls, but the owls somehow formed into a shield formation (Don't ask me how, but they just did.) and reflected his golden knife back to Claude. Claude dodges the knife.

"IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO, YOU WEAK, UGLY SPIDER-EATING BIRDS?" Yelled Claude angrily.

Suddenly, one of the owls from the swarm wrote something on an empty board nearby using it's beak. (Yet again, I don't know how the owls get so smart.) "YOU HAVE INSULTED US, PREPARE TO DIE."

Claude was shocked to see what the bird actually wrote, but he paid it no mind and continued throwing his golden knives at the birds, one of the owls noticed Claude's glasses and then it flew towards Claude's face and peck his glasses off his face.

"My glasses! You damned birds!" Claude yelled angrily at the owl with squinted eyes. Claude then heard one of the owls laughing at him, as if they were mocking him.

_Hoot, hoot, hoot, hah!_

"You will pay for this, evil birds!" Claude jumped back down to search for his glasses, but unfortunately, his jumps was interrupted by one of the owls which hijacked a flying saucer (Do not underestimate the power of nature.) and the owl uses an abduction beam on Claude, abducting him into a special container which is golden knife-proof to avoid Claude's escape inside the flying saucer.

"Do you think you can keep me inside here forever, vile birds?" Yelled Claude as he tries to break open the container, but fails.

The flying saucer containing Claude inside soon flied away to a distant planet, with the rest of the owl pack waving goodbye behind at Earth.

**Hm, I never I knew I can actually create 2 chapters in a day, I am quite proud of myself. But this is still not the end!**

**Will Claude ever escape from the flying saucer?**

**Will the owls show Claude to their leader?**

**Will Hannah save Claude again?**

**Stay tuned, to Chapter 3!**


End file.
